1
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,440
Hmm. I think I'll have that.

2
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,280
Jonny!

3
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:40,520
JONNY CHUCKLES

4
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,080
Just give it back!
Sorry?

5
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,960
Give me my phone back.
Oh, you mean this?

6
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,960
Whoo, butterfingers!

7
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,120
Jonny, you dick! You could have
broken it.

8
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:50,840
I've got my call later.

9
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,560
What's the stuff in this bag?
Er, what are they doing in there?

10
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,240
Jackie, just put it down.

11
00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,760
What are these bits for?
Jackie, just leave them, will you?

12
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,880
I'm just looking. Oh, hi, boys.
All right?

13
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:03,640
But what are they for?
Intergalactic bloody space travel.

14
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,480
Just leave the bleeding things!
All right!

15
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:09,520
What's going on? We're trying to
put together this storage unit thing

16
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:12,240
for my... All her old crap.
Thank you.

17
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,880
I've only been asking your dad to
do it for the last three months.

18
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:16,200
It's not been three months.

19
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:20,120
Martin, it's been sitting in this
stupid garage for three months.

20
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,840
Before you go on, just to say,
we're not helping.

21
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,760
Definitely not helping.
Shitbags.

22
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:28,440
Oh, come on, boys.
Your dad's injured himself, OK?

23
00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,680
Really?
My bloody bursitis.

24
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:31,760
Your bloody what?

25
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,760
Bursitis. Don't you know
what bursitis is?

26
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:34,960
Funnily enough, no.

27
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,160
No? Martin, no-one knows
what bursitis is!

28
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,840
Didn't they go to school?
Um, not to medical school.

29
00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,560
Well, bursitis, thickos,

30
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,640
is inflammation of the fluid-filled
sac under the skin.

31
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,960
Oh, yes!
That doesn't sound revolting.

32
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,800
It's a bleeding nightmare.
Really? What are the symptoms?

33
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:51,960
Pain.

34
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,280
Right. Farewell.

35
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:56,880
Oh, boys, please help.
There's spiders everywhere.

36
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,680
Mum!
You won't get your crumble.

37
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,320
Ugh, OK.
OK, later. God.

38
00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:05,760
Oh, hello, boys.

39
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,480
Jim? What are you...?

40
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,880
Shh! Wilson's just finishing his...

41
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:13,280
Oh, Jim! ..dollops.
Lovely. Dollops.

42
00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:14,880
That's it, Wilson?

43
00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:19,000
Why are you doing it there?
I'm not doing it there.

44
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,840
Wilson is.
Never mind.

45
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,160
Jim, do you have to keep
doing that there?

46
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:28,640
I'm not doing it there, Jackie.
Wilson is.

47
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:32,520
Yeah, I know that...
I do my dollops in my house.

48
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,000
Him and his bloody dollops.

49
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,080
Don't worry. I've got a bag.

50
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:38,680
He won't have a bag.

51
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,320
Oh, actually, Jackie,
do you have a bag? See?

52
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:42,960
Or maybe five.

53
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,040
All week in that bloody flowerbed.

54
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,600
Every time I open that door,
there's Jim and Wilson, dolloping.

55
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,760
What's he feeding him,
for Christ's sake? Other dogs?

56
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,800
He can't be well.
Who, Wilson or Jim?

57
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,040
I think we should put a trap down
for the bleeding thing.

58
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,280
A trap for a dog?
A dog trap?

59
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,240
Yeah, snap its arse off.
JACKIE CACKLES

60
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,680
What is for dinner?
Dollops.

61
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,920
Meatballs.
Dollops!

62
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,400
Very good.
Oh, I'm boiling!

63
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,520
Oh! Put your bosoms away.

64
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,720
Oh, Mum, big night for Adam tonight.

65
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:21,560
Is it? Yeah, I've sort of got this
important phone call later.

66
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,680
Get off! From a girl?
Please say it's from a girl.

67
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,720
It's from a girl.
It's not from a girl!

68
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,720
Oh! It's a work call.
I was all excited then.

69
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,640
From America.
From America?

70
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:34,920
Oh, my God, my son's got
an important work call from America!

71
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,440
Mum!
Martin!

72
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,400
It's to tell me if I got this job.
Which he hasn't.

73
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,400
Ow!
Ooh, America!

74
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,880
Yeah, it's doing the music for
this car commercial thing.

75
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,960
Be amazing if I do get it.
I mean, I probably won't.

76
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,240
He definitely won't.
I am down to the last two, so...

77
00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:55,000
Will you shut up? The last two?
Oh, my Bobble the composer!

78
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,280
Of crap.

79
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:59,920
Martin, Adam's getting an important
phone call from America later.

80
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,800
From a female? Yeah!
No, Dad, about a job.

81
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:06,280
Oh, never mind. Great.
Well, I'm getting champagne.

82
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,720
Champagne? They haven't even called
me yet!

83
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,960
Exciting, though,
working in America.

84
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,920
It's not IN America,
it's FOR America.

85
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,320
You're getting a job FOR America?
Yes.

86
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,840
For America what?
Sorry?

87
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,960
Bubbly wubbly!

88
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,640
Let me get the job first.

89
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,920
You'll still be working in the
hospital, though? Yes?

90
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:29,280
Hospital? Martin,
have you met your son before?

91
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,760
What? That's his job.
Hospital radio.

92
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:35,320
Fantastic. No, Dad, I write music
for adverts and stuff,

93
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,880
one of which was used once
- once! - on hospital radio.

94
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:43,000
Ah, yes.


95
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,320
Well, I thought he worked in a
hospital. Really? Did you?

96
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,680
I was actually going to ask
you if you could get some

97
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,800
new bandages for my bursitis.
Right.

98
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,960
But since you don't work
in a hospital... I don't.

99
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,120
..you can't. Nope. Useless.

100
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:56,440
PHONE RINGS

101
00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:58,440
Oh, my God.
Is that them?

102
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,000
I don't know. Erm... I don't know.

103
00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,000
Hello, Adam Goodman.

104
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,200
Oh, hi.

105
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:07,880
WHISPERS: It's them!

106
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,600
AMERICAN ACCENT: And I just wanted
to say we loved your music so much,

107
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:12,840
we want to give you the job.

108
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,120
Oh, wow. That's amazing.

109
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,280
I got it!
JACKIE SCREAMS

110
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,600
Thank you. Thank you so much.

111
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,400
You're welcome, Pusface!

112
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,480
We are so excited to be
working with you!

113
00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,640
NORMAL VOICE: Unknown number!
Got you!

114
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,280
Jonny, you little shit!

115
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,520
That was a horrible thing to do!

116
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,440
I know!
I can't believe you!

117
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,960
Was that Jonny pretending
to call from the hospital?

118
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,880
I don't work in a hospital.
Yes, he does.

119
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,640


120
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,680
Right!

121
00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:44,000
DOORBELL RINGS

122
00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,200
Go on, boys!
Ugh, really?

123
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:53,800
Such a sod.
Your face! Your face!

124
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:57,320
All right?
Yes. Wilson might need...

125
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,880
Well, you know.

126
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,680
Go on, Pusface.
Ugh!

127
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,640
The local dog toilets.

128
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:10,000
Jim, sorry, but is Wilson all right
at the moment?

129
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,440
Actually, Jackie,
I'm not sure that he is.

130
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:13,920
He keeps going...

131
00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,160
..to the loo.
Really.

132
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:20,120
Yes. In your flowerbed,
right over there.

133
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:21,840
We do know, Jim.

134
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,520
Which is strange, because he hasn't
been eating for days.

135
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,840
Oh! And yesterday, he didn't even
want to watch his

136
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:30,040
favourite television programme.
OK...

137
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,080
University Challenge.

138
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:34,720
Maybe you should...

139
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,720
Have him put down.
..take him to the vet's.

140
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:41,160
No, Jackie. Wilson never lets me
take him to the vet's, never.

141
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,080
Right, bags.

142
00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:46,840
BagS.

143
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,200
It really can't be well,
that creature.

144
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,680
I know, poor Wilson.
Plate, please, Jonny.

145
00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,280
I mean, it must have dumped
half its body weight in our drive.

146
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,200
Oh, Dad!
Thank you! We're eating.

147
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,080
Could be tapeworm.

148
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,280
Adam, pass me your plate
so we can start eating,

149
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,840
and your dad can shut his face.
Gladly.

150
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,200
And you really don't want
one of those buggers

151
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,920
tunnelling through to your bowels.

152
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,080
Do you want to eat in another room?

153
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,880
In another house?
On another planet?

154
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,560
Here. Dollops. Dollops.

155
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:25,000
Just eat your food.
Remember, Jackie, when we had a dog?

156
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:28,080
A dog? Ignore him. Martin, we've
never had a dog in our lives.

157
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:32,880
Really? What about Sam?
Sam? Who's Sam? Who's Sam?

158
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,280
You're right.
We've never had a dog in our lives.

159
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:38,240
Mum, please can we have Dad put
down? I'll call the vet's.

160
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,840
Mm! I remember who Sam was now.

161
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:45,520
Do you? He wasn't a dog,
he was a man! Bit of a difference.

162
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,520
Mm?
Oh, you mean Sam, our old neighbour?

163
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,160
Sam, our old neighbour!
Sam, your old neighbour?

164
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,680
That's right. He had a dog,
also called Sam. Sam!

165
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:57,640
What, the man was called Sam,
and he also had a dog called Sam?

166
00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,720
He once tried to wipe his bum
on our fence.

167
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,400
Which Sam? The man or the dog?

168
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,960
You don't want to know.

169
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,440
Oh, God. Talking of a man
and his bloody dog...

170
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,840
Where you going? Just seeing
if they're still dolloping.

171
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,120
Yep, still dolloping. Again?!
Again.

172
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,960
Jesus! It's ridiculous.
It's definitely an arse worm.

173
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:23,240
Oh, hurry up and phone! So you'll do
it, then? My storage thing?

174
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:26,240
Oh, my God!
You won't get your crumble...

175
00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,840
Mum! We'll do it, OK?
Dad made it.

176
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,520
What?! Dad made it?!
Dad's never made crumble before.

177
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,000
Yeah, why did Dad make the crumble?

178
00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,000
He wanted to.
It was bloody easy.

179
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,800
You just get all the ingredients
you need, you mix them up

180
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,680
in the correct quantities, then you
put the mixture in the oven.

181
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:45,080
Do you? And the action of the heat
causes the molecules to vibrate,

182
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:48,160
which causes the food to cook,
so when you take it all out,

183
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,040
it's all done. Right!
Piece of piss.

184
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,240
PHONE RINGS

185
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,280
Very good. I know it's you.

186
00:08:56,320 --> 00:09:01,120
Jonathan!
What, unknown, again? Very clever!

187
00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:04,240
It's not me.
Oh! So...

188
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:05,680
Shit! That's them!

189
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,360
Oh! Good luck, my little Mozart!

190
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:11,480
Is that the hospital?

191
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,480
Yes, to take you away.

192
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,280
Hello, Adam Goodman.

193
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,160
AMERICAN ACCENT: Hello, Mr Pusface!

194
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,000
Jonathan!

195
00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:24,480
Jonny, you bloody...!
It works with Mum's phone, too!

196
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,320
Oh!
MARTIN LAUGHS

197
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,040
Right, you dollophead!
Oi!

198
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,960
Not a meatball! Oh!

199
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,680
Oh, my God! Shit! Not on the carpet!
Not on the carpet!

200
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,320
You shitting berk! Ow!
I told you not to throw meatballs!

201
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,000
Mum! And you! Me? Me?!

202
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,720
Bloody idiot!
Dad!

203
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,280
Bloody idiot!
Dad!

204
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,320
How am I going to get red wine
out of my carpet?

205
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:50,280
Oh, my God. Martin, go and get the
white wine. Get the white wine.

206
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:53,800
White wine? Gets rid of red wine
stains. Bleeding hell.

207
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,760
Ow! Can everyone stop hitting me?
I'm covered in meat.

208
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,360
Oh, look what you've done!

209
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,000
Please!
I'm sorry, Mum, OK? I'm sorry.

210
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,960
Right, white wine. OK, pour it on
the stain. Pour it on the stain.

211
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,760
Oh, shit, that's the red wine!

212
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,120
More red wine! Oh, my God.
Right, all of you, out.

213
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,600
Get out! Jackie! Mum!

214
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:17,240
Go on, go to the garage, and finish
making my bloody thing.

215
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,600
What, your brain?
I heard that!

216
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:21,360
Come on, then.

217
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,760
Well done, Pusface.
No, well done, Pissface.

218
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,560
So many dollops.

219
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,440
Where these two bits go,
I have no bloody idea.

220
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,800
Yeah. Once again, just look at
the instructions.

221
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,760
I heard you the first time!

222
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,320
Oi, Adam!
What?

223
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:45,040
Ow! Jonny!

224
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:46,280
Dick!

225
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:51,040
Dad, can we please just get on with
it? They must go somewhere!

226
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,320
You do have the instructions?

227
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,040
Pardon?

228
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,360
Oh, Dad! You didn't throw them away,
did you?

229
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,720
Erm... You threw them away?!
Why did you do that?

230
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,640
Well, I didn't know what they were,
did I?

231
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,320
Well, what did you think they were?

232
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:07,040
You know, general information about
the company, profit, turnover.

233
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,720
Sorry?
Well, what was the name of the unit?

234
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,160
Don't you dare phone me again!

235
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,640
I'm not phoning you again.
What was the name?

236
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:16,520
Maybe there's something online.
Er, it was written on the box.

237
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,280
Which you threw away.
Which I threw away.

238
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,640
Oh, excellent. And might it still be
in the bins?

239
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,760
Binmen came this morning.
Of course they did. Fantastic.

240
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:26,320
So we're now putting together
a massive wooden thing

241
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,360
with absolutely no instructions
whatsoever.

242
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,480
Lucky both your sons
are qualified carpenters.

243
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,280
Stupid babies! You don't
need the instructions.

244
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:36,800
Look, there's the wood, there's the
screws. What else do you need?

245
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,280
Er, the instructions.

246
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:43,000
Look, that bit there must be one of
the doors...

247
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:46,120
Oh, bloody bursitis!
Bloody burSHITEis.

248
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,240
Where are my sodding painkillers?

249
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:53,000
OK, I've got a door. Now what?

250
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,520
Well, just connect it
to another bit.

251
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:58,760
Connect it?
I'll do it, then!

252
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,200
God! Such a fuss.

253
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:05,000
Go on, Jonny!
Mm?

254
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,040
Erm, you'll be pleased to know
the carpet's ruined.

255
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,400
Oh, really?

256
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:13,000
Hello, all.
Oh, Jim, not another bag.

257
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:17,760
Oh, no, Jackie. I just wanted to say
that if you do need any help

258
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,920
in here, I am very good
with my hands.

259
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:25,120
Right. I've actually been making
something back at the house.

260
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,120
Have you?
Yes, a little ladder.

261
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,640
OK, well...
For our bunk beds.

262
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,200
Wilson's on top.

263
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:37,160
Actually, I will take...

264
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,320
..another bag.

265
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,120
That should be big enough for the...

266
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:44,720
You know.

267
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,520
They sleep in bunk beds?

268
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,280
Right, well, I'll leave you all
to get on, then.

269
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,720
So you're not helping us at all?

270
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,840
What? No. Just hurry up!

271
00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:00,480
Hurry up? Hurry up?

272
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,240
Right.

273
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,240
Jonny?

274
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:08,360
Adam?
WEBVTT

275
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,240
Hold still!

276
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,680
It's not fair!

277
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,360
Well, life's not fair, Jackie.

278
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:19,000
If it was, God wouldn't have
invented bursitis.

279
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,080
Aah! Eugh! Spider!

280
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,200
Aagh! Stop doing that!

281
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,640
Oh, just keep bleeding still,
Jackie!

282
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,080
God!

283
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:28,400
Now the other door.

284
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,200
Can't we just leave it like this?

285
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,320
MOBILE PHONE RINGS

286
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,000
"Unknown".

287
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,640
Oh, you're unbelievable, Jonny!

288
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,320
Oh, not again!

289
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,320
OK, this time, I promise
it's not me. Look.

290
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,320
It's not my phone.
Well, it's not my phone.

291
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,120
PHONE CONTINUES TO RING
I don't care, I'm not answering it.

292
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:49,160
I think you should, Adam,
it might be the...
Don't you dare say hospital!

293
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,560
Go on!

294
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,400
I swear, if this is you,
piss face...

295
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,080
Hello, Adam Goodman.

296
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:57,960
Hello again, pus face!

297
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,920
JONATHAN AND MARTIN LAUGH
Jonathan!

298
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,280
Dad's phone!

299
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:04,040
Right! You...

300
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,360
No!

301
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:06,640
Ohh! Ooh!

302
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,320
You bloody bastard!

303
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,840
Nutcase! I'm going to kill you!
Get off me!

304
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:12,400
Boys... Boys!

305
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:15,240
You are so dead! Get off me!

306
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,160
Adam! Bye! Pus face!

307
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,440
Boys!

308
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,720
JIM: Quick!
Not now, Jim!

309
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,320
Something terrible's happened.

310
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,400
Wilson's not moving.

311
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:30,360
What? Wilson, he's not moving.
Not moving?

312
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,800
We... We were just on our way home,

313
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,600
and he suddenly just...

314
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,880
..just stopped.

315
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,720
Oh, God!

316
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,240
Why isn't he moving?

317
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,840
ADAM: Maybe give him a little shake?

318
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:46,120
Wilson? Sh, sh!

319
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:49,720
Well, Martin?

320
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:53,920
Jim...

321
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,120
..I think he's dead.

322
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,200
Wilson's...

323
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,520
..dead?

324
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,640
He can't... He can't be.

325
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,280
Not Wilson.

326
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,280
Not Wilson!

327
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,600
Wilson, it's me.

328
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,640
It's Jim.

329
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,000
Oh, Wilson!

330
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,600
SOBBING: Wilson!

331
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:28,360
Come back, Wilson. Don't leave me!

332
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,160
HE SOBS

333
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,960
Aww, Jim.

334
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,880
Say it's not true, Jackie.
Say it's not true!

335
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,600
Jim! Oh, Jim.

336
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,360
How could you leave me, my friend?

337
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,120
My only friend!

338
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,320
HE SOBS

339
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:48,440
Jim!

340
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,120
No more Wilson.

341
00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,120
No more Wilson!

342
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:56,200
Jim, we should really call the vet.

343
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:59,720
No, Jackie, Wilson never has been
taken to the vets, never!

344
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,920
We'll bury him.

345
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,760
Really, Jim?
Yes, we'll bury Wilson.

346
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,840
Yeah.

347
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,400
We'll bury him.

348
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:16,000
Yeah, and we'll give him the best
send-off any dog's ever had.

349
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,800
TEARFULLY: Thank you, Martin.

350
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:23,680
Is there anywhere special, Jim,
you'd like to lay Wilson to rest?

351
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,880
What? Oh, yes, Jackie, there is...

352
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:32,080
..one place, actually, somewhere
that meant a lot to Wilson.

353
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,320
Of course. Wherever!

354
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,480
Would you mind carrying him?

355
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,520
Oof! Go on, lads.

356
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,840
THEY GRUNT AND STRAIN
Thank you, boys.

357
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,360
This way.

358
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,560
Here we are.

359
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:01,480
Ashes to ashes,

360
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,800
dust to dust...

361
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,000
Sorry, I don't really know
the rest of it.

362
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,800
Wilson to Wilson.

363
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:20,040
Um, Jim, maybe you'd like to say
a little something about Wilson?

364
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,400
Oh, yes.

365
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:27,360
Maybe I could make up
a little poem about him.

366
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:30,840
O Wilson,

367
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:34,520
You were a great animal

368
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:38,600
Who was also a mammal.

369
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:43,920
You loved to drink water
from your bowl

370
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,600
With your tongue, until you were...

371
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:50,560
..foal.

372
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,480
But now, you are gone

373
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,520
And I am...

374
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,280
..alonn.

375
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,960
Why don't you come inside now,
have some crumble?

376
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,040
Crimble crumble...

377
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,200
Come on.

378
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,360
Goodbye, Wilson.

379
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,320
JONNY SIGHS
Yeah.

380
00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,000
Goodbye, mate.

381
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:23,640
Fill it up, then.

382
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,000
Thanks!

383
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,640
Here we are, Jim. Crimble crumble!

384
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,320
Crimble crumble!

385
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:37,760
Thank you, Jackie.

386
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:42,160
I've never had your famous
apple crumble before.

387
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,440
Well, actually...
Wilson would have been so proud.

388
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,760
I made it, Jim.

389
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,200
Oh. Did you?

390
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:49,440
ALL: Ye-e-s.

391
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:51,480
There's some champagne,
if you fancy?

392
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,040
No, thank you, Martin.

393
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,640
My dog has just died.

394
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,560
Oh, yes. Anyone else?

395
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:02,440
Well, um, tuck in.
Ohh! Aahh!

396
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,520
You all right, Jim?

397
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:09,600
There's no fruit. What?

398
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,240
It's just crumble.

399
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:13,760
Yeah, where's the fruit?

400
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,120
Martin, what crumble is this?

401
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,080
Er, apple crumble.

402
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,560
But without the apples?

403
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,000
Oh, I forgot to put them in!

404
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,360
Oh, Martin!

405
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,800
So we're just eating crumble?
Just a mass of crumble?

406
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,200
Crumble crumble?

407
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,480
Oh, sorry!

408
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,120
I obviously just...

409
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:32,680
..shitted it out.

410
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,360
I'm so sorry, Jim.

411
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,400
I...think I need to be alone.

412
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,600
Oh, did you ever finish
your cupboard?

413
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,640
Er, no, Jim.

414
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:53,480
I suppose nothing is ever
really finished.

415
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:56,640
Come on, Wilson...

416
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,280
He's...

417
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,840
Aww!

418
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:09,800
Yeah.

419
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,920
You forgot the apples?! All right!

420
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,240
What's he going to do
without Wilson?

421
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,400
He'll be OK, Jackie, he'll be OK.

422
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,560
Well, that's definitely
how I want to go -

423
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,600
being buried in my own toilet!

424
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:22,800
Adam!

425
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,160
HAMMERING SOUNDS
What's that banging?

426
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:32,640
Jim?

427
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,840
Jesus! Er, Jim?

428
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:36,480
What's he doing?!

429
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,200
Jim?

430
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:44,440
Where's he...

431
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:54,480
Sorry, Jim, you're not thinking
of putting that, um, thing

432
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,560
in front of our house?

433
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,640
HE GRUNTS

434
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:02,960
This cross will stand

435
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,960
as a permanent reminder

436
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,000
for the whole community

437
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:14,000
to the memory of the great Wilson.

438
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,120
And it will stand here

439
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:21,040
for all eternity.

440
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,400
Er, right...

441
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,200
Sorry, is it Sunday tomorrow?

442
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:35,320
Er, no, Jim, it's Saturday tomorrow.

443
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:36,800
Oh, yes.

444
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,600
I'll get another dog tomorrow, then.

445
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,640
Bye, all.

446
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,280
Great, so, now what?

447
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,760
That just stays there, does it?
Yup.

448
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,000
A massive, terrifying cross.

449
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:51,600
For all eternity.

450
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,760
We're supposed to be Jewish!

451
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,320
Well, we can't just take it down,
can we?

452
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:58,640
Well, what are people
going to think?!

453
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:02,680
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
Oh, not now, Jonny!

454
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,520
Er, remember this?

455
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:06,880
Oh, God!

456
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,160
So...that's them.

457
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,760
I mean, it's got to be them.

458
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:14,280
Well, answer it!
Is that the Americans?

459
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:15,760
Where's my...

460
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,920
PHONE CONTINUES TO RING

461
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:19,880
Wait a minute...

462
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,240
PHONE CONTINUES TO RING

463
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,640
You didn't!

464
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:27,120
I did!

465
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,800
Subtitles by Red Bee Media